Growing up, we all have dreams and aspirations of what we think we'll be. The little boy who wanted to be a firefighter or policeman, the little girl who wanted to be a teacher or nurse. We find often find that our lives do not always make for a dream come true.
We never imagine that we will grow up and have illnesses that often require daily dealings. We never daydream about the medications we'll take or the doctors appointments we'll make. What kind of aspiration is that?
Truthfully, I can't recall all the things I thought I would be. But as it turns out, I have been granted a life that is rich and full despite the illness. I have been fortunate enough to see love at its greatest, understanding at its best and patience beyond measure. How many people dream of living with such things and never will?
For all the things I thought I'd be, becoming a passionate, positive individual with hope and optimism is something that will carry me wherever life takes me.
As I read through a few of the FB pages for Crohns and IBS, I came across a phrase tatooed on the ankle of someone who obviously has Crohns. The phrase 'luctor et emergo' is Latin meaning 'I struggle and emerge'. Okay, I'm inspired. Not to get a tatoo, mind you, but inspired by this persons belief that no matter how bad the day or week, they will arise, they will overcome.
Even tho our bodies are at times unable to do the things we want or need to do, the inner self, the person you really are, doesn't have to be defeated. Holding on to the thought that you will get better, even tho it may be for just a short time, can make those times of struggle easier.
Our energy may come and go, our abilities confined by a body that doesn't behave the way it should. These things we can't always change. But grasping the mindset that you will prevail, keeps us above the disease rather than being overtaken by it.
Since I'm going greek today, in the words of Horace, 'carpe diem'!
Here's a depressing thought. I have posted this blog address to two Crohns' sites and I also have a Facebook page of the same name. I have one blog follower and three FB page members. Now, I am not complaining and I truthfully find this to be a bit more funny than depressing. It simply proves the point I am trying to make. It's easier to jump on the bandwagon and be a complainer than to turn your situation into something good and share that.
Take a look at the sites. Read the postings. Often, they start as an information gathering venture then turn into a fest of sharing all the terrible things that someone has gone through. Again, I do not negate that with a chronic illness there are times that are bad; however, it is clear that most people focus on that aspect.
Everyone is trying to find a place to have their feelings validated. We all know the pains of Crohns. It's time to share some of the positive things that we have experienced in our journey.
There are people we have met, things we understand better and breakthroughs we could share. You can inspire those around you by being bigger than this disease. Share the positive!
Sitting here trying to be insightful and really just getting the sound of the water dripping in the sink as the only bounceback, I begin to think about being blessed and feeling blessed. We so often say "I'm blessed" as the counterbalance to whatever challenge we are currently being given. Like anyone else, I make the remark too without much thought into what I am saying.
"I'm blessed". Taking the time to really think about what is being said would overwhelm us and humble us to tears. Someone today had to home to go to. Someone had no one to share their troubles with. Someone was still waiting to see if their loved one lost to one of the many tragedies the world has seen lately. Someone could see no way to provide the needs of their family. Someone...but that someone wasn't me.
In the midst of our own struggles, we can overlook our own blessings. We let our everyday life over shadow the wonderful things we have. How can you feel blessed when you feel so sick? For myself, I can truly say that I am blessed even tho I have Crohns. I don't suffer to the degree others do and have a wonderful support system of understanding family and friends. That in itself is a blessing.
Regardless to how we feel, most of us are truly blessed. I hope that I can be mindful of that and begin to feel blessed as well.
Yesterday was one of those days that would have worked out better if I hadn't woke up sick. The pain was terrible, I didn't want to move, not even to get the much needed pain reliever. It was just a walk down the hall but even that seemed like a marathon at the time. I lay there for several minutes willing the pain away, then willing myself to get up, to go get the medicine.
Oddly enough, I had a migraine. It wasn't my tummy. In fact, I'd have to say in comparison, my tummy felt wonderful.
See, I'm a whimp when it comes to a headache.
I can't stand how your entire head radiates at every little sound or how nauseated you feel with every move. I loath the way your neck feels tight and your eyes want to pop out of your head.
My husband tells me I handle Crohns with such grace. I appreciate that he views me that way but in truth, it's been a learning curve, an acceptance of what is and what will be. I do not say that with any glimmer of defeat.
See, we all have our pains and we all have our tolerances. Call me crazy, but I'd take Crohns over a migraine any day...if I could pick my pain.
I sat in the doctors' office yesterday and, like everyone else, picked up a magazine to pass the time. As I flipped through, I came across a directory of all the local non-profit organizations. I read several listings and what there organizations did for the community. First of all, I want to say that I am glad these organizations are available. But in turn, I was saddened at the causes that made it possible, NO necessary to exist. From The American Cancer Society to The Childrens' Home. People having to hear impending death and children in a home without the love of a parent or the promise of where they may be the next day.
No, there were no organizations dedicated to Crohns or chronic illnesses, save those that were terminal or caused much more pain and affliction than Crohns. So in that is my positive thought. Yes, suffer I may but, I have no time limit. At least none less than anyone else. My life has no real limitations. Just those I place on myself.
I thought a lot yesterday about the impact Crohns has had on my kids. I have two beautiful children, a 13 year old and a seven year old. I suppose I could say that to them having a mom that deals with sickness is normal. That's really the only way they have ever known me. Of course, at times, it's worse, sometimes MUCH better but always present in some manner. I am hopeful that rather than them be concerned and worried that they see the importance of being positive and how resiliant it can make you. That, when things are getting a little tough, a laugh in the face of adversity can take the edge off.
I could talk about how I try to stay positive and how I try not to let them see how I'm feeling. In reality, these two kids have seen me through so many hospital stays. A few stays that were quite long. I can't tell you that it did them any great harm. Sure, they missed me. There were tears at night when it was time to tuck in. But mostly, they just wanted to keep going on with their normal lives. I am not offended by their responses at all. I am encouraged that they know, for the most part, I will be okay. That rather than be frightened by the physicians, the hospitals and the frequent visits, they trust that these people will keep me going.
Allow me to recall a moment, a day that my kids experienced and will never forget. Mother's Day, 2008 and having been in the hospital for about three weeks, I finally ended up in surgery. That was the easy part. Post-op, my meds became very mixed up and I ended up 'acute psychotic'. My kids got to see me in fine fashion! They were the only people I recognized. I didn't know my mom or my husband. Here's the joy. Rather than be upset by this, my two kids are in my hospital bathroom laughing themselves silly at how insane I was behaving! My son still loves to tease me about that day!
To wrap up my thought, Crohns doesn't schedule the best time for us or lose its ability to sometimes be in control. Be the best you can be in your situation. Our kids will ultimately rise to the occassion and often become our inspirations.
Okay so let's think about it. We have Crohns or we have IBS or we have spastic bowel. There is a ton of frustration that goes with it. I am certain I need not elaborate much. I can remember many days when I'm ready to walk out the door and oops, I ate today so the body says it's time to be sick. (as I intercom, which means talking while you're walking in my house to the kids that we have to wait a sec before we leave ;) There are also the days where I remember not to eat so that I can be where I need to be on time. Yes, there is a price for that as well.
Well, here's the truth. We all have a little something that's not right. My son is now 13 and for years has had to deal with being ADHD. Thankfully, the 'H' is slowly phasing out. He gets up in the morning, takes his meds and, for a few years, had to take meds at school as well. Now how is an ADHD child suppose to remember to go take his meds at school? I laugh at the notion. My husband has possibly the worst nose on the planet. There is so much stuff that irritates him, it makes my 'don't eat' list look like one of those really thin post its. Everyday, he takes Claritin and Sudafed and hits the bricks with a snack of Benadryl. Did I mention he's got one doozie of a tummy acid problem too? (possible from the over-ingestion of decongestants and allergen blockers...I'm just sayn)
My list could go on and on of the people in my world that deal from something. The point of my post is this. There aren't many people who can say they suffer from absolutely nothing. The cool thing is that we recognize that we are all dealing with our thing and making it. Isn't that something to be proud of?
This is my first posting. I have for sometime wanted to be able to encourage more people with Crohns rather than simply be a part of a gripe fest. No matter what we encounter in life, be it a sudden onset and consequently passing illness or the struggle of having a chronic disease, there is always something positive that comes from the process. Now I am not saying that I don't have my moments where I feel life isn't fair but then, one could feel that way about anything. Learning to see your world as how much you DO have rather than how much you don't goes beyond the things you can touch, the physical things. It's a state of mind that can carry you through the many times you will have a Crohns flare, the hospital stays, the times you can't be or do what you want to do. We have to look at the small things accomplished and recognize that they are indeed, for us, big achievements. And besides all that, never forget that there is power in positive thinking!
